Dave Barry's Colonoscopy

Its Tuesday and I had so many things I wanted to rant about today from bad drivers, bad toupees and bad advertising ads and then my friend Jay sent me a piece that Dave Barry wrote on his colonoscopy.

It had me in tears so those rants will have to wait. Dont operate a vehicle, no sharp objects around and for heaven's sake, do NOT DRINK anything while reading this or its coming out your nose.

Enjoy.

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Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for
the Miami Herald.

This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy
journal:
I called my friend Andy Sable , a gastroenterologist, to
make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in
his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a
lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one
point passing briefly through Minneapolis . Then Andy
explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough,
reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I
didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain
was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE
17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions,
and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,'
which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.
I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it
to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of
America's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around
being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I
began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I
didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was
chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less
flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix
two packets of powder together in a one-liter
plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For
those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32
gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes
about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being
kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with
just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody
with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it,
'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This
is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof,
you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too
graphic here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle
launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with
you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the
commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty
much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You
eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be
totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep,
at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel
into the future and start eliminating food that you have not
even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very
nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I
had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep
spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on
Andy ?' How do you apologize to a friend for something
like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I
understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the
forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other
colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained
space and took off my clothes and put on one of those
hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind
that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked
than when you are actually naked.
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in
my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie
was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also
told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At
first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this
but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself
too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering
around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but
to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the
procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an
anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I
knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was
seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on
my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking
something up to the needle in my hand. There was music
playing in the room, and I realized that the song was
'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that,
of all the songs that could be playing during this
particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the
least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy , from
somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it
was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a
decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I
am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it
was like.
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment,
ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the
tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the
other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was
looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt
excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me
that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with
flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal
organ.

On the subject of Colonoscopies...
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the
exam were quite humorous.... A physician claimed that the
following are actual comments made by his patients
(predominately male) while he was performing their
colonoscopies:
1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone
before!
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all....
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is
not up there?

Songs They Should Sing For Disco Week On American Idol

And then there were 7 on American Idol.

Last week Idol made, wait for it and drum roll..... history (whipteedowho). This year the show decided to add a twist to the voting process where the judges could overturn the voting American public and save a contestant. Doesn't that just defeat the purpose of letting America vote? (I feel a rant on that topic coming soon) So even though America voted Matt off, the judges spared him for another week.

I agree with Simon, Matt won't win this. Neither will Lil. The girl has struggled and hasn't picked the right songs. So Idols let me do you a favor and pick your songs for Disco week.

Lil, show them where you live and nail Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive.

Matt a little Earth Wind and Fire's Boogie Wonderland (and for goodness sake, play the piano).

Anoop's been on a roll for a few weeks. Go with Mcfadden and
Whitehead's Ain't No Stoppin Us Now.

Kris I think your chops work for Dan Hartman's Instant Replay.

Allison, Donna Summer's McArthur Park (would someone tell me who left the cake out in the rain?).

Danny, Ladies Night by Kool and the Gang,

and last but not least Adam its, Born To Be Alive by Patrick Hernandez.

Your welcome and if any of you even try Bee Gees' stuff, you are looking at the wrath of the judges. How do you sing a Bee Gees song and make it your own?

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We Could All Use More Prospects

Having been in the financial business a few years ago Bill Good’s book, Prospecting Your Way to Sales Success was recommended reading. Unfortunately I never got past the table of contents. I would rather get a root canal than prospect.

So when his latest book, Hot Prospects landed on my desk, what caught my eye was an endorsement from Chris Gardner. I recognized the Gardner name having just rented the movie, The Pursuit of Happyness. The movie starred Will Smith as Gardner who went from rags to gazillionaire in the financial field. Gardner's trainer: Bill Good.

Hot Prospects has an accompanying website at www.hotprospectsbook.com. You will need to register at the website to take full advantage of the tools needed to develop your own prospecting strategy.

Good has embedded passwords in the book and you will need them to download letters, scripts and, templates from the website to develop your personal prospecting system. Be prepared. Hot Prospects is also a workbook. The read is light, fun and the assignments a breeze as Good leads you by the hand.

Whether you are just starting out or been in the sales game a long time, Good not only gives you all the tools necessary in Hot Prospects but also promises that if you follow his plan, you can double your revenue or work half as much.

And if you are a sales manager, buy all your sales staff a copy of Hot Prospects. And you will never hear those three dreaded words from your sales staff again; “I hate prospecting”.

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Advertising or Platitudes

Three of my favorite acronyms on judging ads: ICCL, WIIFM and BM.

Take the test. What do you think when you hear:

“35 years in business, lots of free parking, friendly and knowledgeable staff”. How about ICCL!

What goes through your mind when you hear, “Our buying power means lower prices for you, biggest selection in the city, have to make room for the new models”. All together now, WIIFM!

And lastly, “Never been a better time to buy, only once a year do we offer these prices, we will never be undersold”. Strike up the band and repeat after me, BM!

Advertising or platitudes? Simple to measure. Yellow Pages are a good example of platitudes. Cover the name of the businesses. Is there any difference?

Advertising or platitude. ICCL= I Could Care Less that you have been in business 35 years.

Advertising or platitude. WIIFM= What’s In It For Me and who cares you need to make room for the new models.

Advertising or platitude. BM= Bullshit Meter that you offer these prices only once a year.

Platitudes may win you advertising awards. Advertising rings the cash register.

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Do You Love What You Do

Cold Calling. Never been a fan. I don't like the rejection cold calling brings.

There are those that say cold calling develops character. Not me. The no's send me to my psychiatrist's couch to discuss whether I was loved or not growing up.

My only time as a cold caller lasted all of two weeks (one pay check) selling carpet cleaning. I worked with a guy who lived for selling carpet cleaning. It was a natural high for him to sell a 3 room carpet cleaning for $39.95.

I asked him once how he has lasted 15 years with all the rejection and he said to me, "kid, if you give up when they say no, you don't believe in the product you are selling. Time to find another profession."

Would you like to add the steam cleaning on your furniture for an 9.95 extra? I think I feel another trip to the couch coming on.


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You Do The Math

“I have to go now. I have other calls to make.”

Famous last words from the General Motors dealer I have a leased car with. They were calling because they had recently fixed an air conditioning problem and wanted to make sure that it was working properly.

The car had come off of warranty a few months ago and it would have to be fixed on my dime. Given the car was only 3 years old, just off of warranty, the very low miles for the age of the car and that they had fixed an air conditioning problem about a year earlier, I told them to either fix it at their expense or I would take it to another dealership for the work. They agreed and said that GM would fix it under “good will”.

Well at least she called. A little too late though. In three years that I have had the car, no one in the dealership has bothered to call after a service call. What a shame when you consider what a dealership spends in advertising to get a new customer.

How about what an existing customer is worth? At my rate and trading in my car every four years, I could conceivably lease another 4 cars over the next 16 years before I retire. At an average of $400 a month for 16 years that works out to $76,800 in lost revenue.

Do you still have to go now and make more phone calls?

If I were you, my next call is to the guy whose name is on the dealership.

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Whose Answering Your Phone

Is it me or is it funny to call the telephone company and get a busy signal.

Or that all their operators are busy? And you are put on hold to a call that may be monitored for training purposes.

I follow your rules when you give me a hundred menu items to choose from. I punch until I believe I have the right department only to be told, "that's not my department". And the odyssey begins all over again. Okay I get that maybe I did press the wrong number from your menu. My bad.

Just do me one favor. If I get, "press 1 for English, 2 for this language, 3 for this language", and I press 1, then I expect to have that conversation with someone who can speak English.

If you would just listen to those calls you record for educational purposes you would know what I mean.

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Where Have All The Writers Gone

They say (whoever "they" are) that we are exposed to about 3000 advertising messages a day. You wake up to your Chass alarm clock, drink your Starbucks coffee made in your Braun coffee maker while listening to your Sony radio or catching CNN on your Hitachi Big Screen TV.

Then its a Irish Spring Shower with Baby Shampoo drying yourself with Martha Stewart towels. 8 messages and your about 15 minutes into a new day. My problem isn't the amount of messages we are exposed to. My problem is the schlock thats passed off as advertisements.

Seems like the ad agencies and broadcast outlets just want the revenue and who cares about how good the ad is. It seems that there is a lot of very bad ads. Whats happened to the copy writer's profession? Where have they gone and whose fault is this?

I blame Dan O'Day for the bad radio and tv commercials. For the record, Dan O' Day is an advertising guru (so his website says so).

Check Dan's blog, http://www.danoday.blogspot.com/ and look for

"theamazingbadcommercialgenerator"?

That little tool has made copywriters obselete. Why pay someone to write ads when we can use theamazingbadcommercialgenerator! Ad agencies can save money on the writer and still charge the client more.

If you think I am kidding, try theamazingbadcommercialgenerator out. Then next time you see or hear a lousy ad you decide, computer or person.

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Press Any Number You Want For Service...We Don't Care

I called Telus, my cell phone provider with a hardware issue. Press 1 for English, press 2 for French (I’m a Canadian eh!)

Welcome to the main menu. Laundry list to choose from. Oh that might be the right department so I press 3. More laundry, with 6 options. Not sure. Ah 6 a customer service rep. So 6 it is.

On hold. Not to worry, I am in Priority Sequence. Jimmy Buffett is wasting away in Margaretville. Ringing, here we go. Ring Ring Ring for about 35 seconds. Recorded message in first in English and then French telling me that my party cannot be reached and my call is going to end. There goes 10 minutes.

Let’s try this again. Press 1 for English. Just noticed that I can either choose from the laundry list or say in a word or two what my problem is to help speed up the search. I try "time is wrong on my pda". Recorded voice say something , "Let's see if we can narrow this down". Oh this is working really well.

News flash, this phone system sucks! 48 minutes later and no help.

So to save yourself $8 an hour for an operator, you went out and bought yourself a fancy shmancy automated phone system that makes me the customer jump through hoops.

Here is a newsflash. Shaw Cable Systems from Alberta Canada. When you call them up, yes you get an automated system. But they give you the choice to wait for the next operator or leave your phone number for the next available representative to call you back. And by leaving a message you don't lose your place in line.

Imagine that, a company that understands why they are in business.

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How Much Is A New Sales Rep Costing You

Do some quick calculations. How many new sales reps have you hired in the last 2 years. What did you pay them as a guaranteed salary and include all the benefits. Now how much time and money did you invest in training? How much time was spent teaching them the internal workings of the entire operation?

What did their potential account list look like? C accounts and all the new business they could find? How many of those C accounts have moved to B or possibly A accounts?

Now compare revenue to salary. Are you ahead? How many of those reps are still around? Why did they either move on or did you have to cut them loose?

How does the picture look? Better yet what does the picture look like from all those C accounts that have a new rep from your company every 6 months?

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The Best Ten Bucks You Can Invest

1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want
4. Become genuinely interested in other people
5. Smile
6. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
8. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
9. Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely
10. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
11. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
12. If you are wrong admit it quickly and emphatically
13. Begin in a friendly way
14. Get the other person saying, “yes, yes” immediately
15. Let the other person do a great deal of talking
16. Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers
17. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
18. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
19. Appeal to the nobler motives
20. Dramatize your ideas
21. Throw down a challenge
22. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
23. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
24. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
25. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
26. Let the other person save face
27. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise”
28. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
29. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
30. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest

That took about 3 minutes and 10 seconds of your time starved life. What you read is the principles of Dale Carnegie’s book, “How to Win Friends & Influence People”.

You would think a book that has sold 15,000,000 copies and been in print for 70 years wouldn’t apply today. Then why do most self help and sales books you pick up today quote this book.

The soft cover sells for $10.00. To bad its not mandatory reading in schools.

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Whats On Your Bookshelve?

Harvard Business Review says that 10% of the population has the "learning mindset". What was the last book you read on your profession. Have you enrolled in automobile University? Thats listening to teachers on cds in your automobile.

What are you doing to make yourself better at your profession? If you were to ask some of the greatest teachers how many books a month they read and how many teaching cds they listen to every month, chances are the numbers would be staggering. Thats what makes the Jeffrey Gitomers, Zig Ziglar, Chris Lytles, Jom Rohns, Dennis Waitley, Harvey Mackays the best at what they do. They make up the 10%.

Start with a book a month, teaching cds in your car and begin to learn like the pros. Want to make more money and be successful in your work, relationships and families? The 10% seems like a good place to be. Do you think you'll find your competition there?

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How Much Is Your Hiring Costing You

I wear glasses and have for many years. And like most, I tend to need an arm straightened or a screw tightened about every 6 months. The glasses I bought 2 years ago need adjustments every 3 months and I the place I have been shopping at for 15 years has always provided that service free of charge. About a year ago this company was bought by Pearle Vision and as per the norm they had some staff turnover.

Last visit, the chap helping me told me he would fix them at my own risk because my glasses were at least a year old. Okay, new company and maybe new policies. It took all of 6 seconds for him to adjust the arm and still a free service.

Driving home I thought about my experience and what if he would have done the following:

Ask my name and he would have seen that I have spent a fair amount of money for both my wife and I over the years for glasses, contacts and sunglasses.

Told me my last eye visit was three years ago and have I noticed if my vision has changed.

How is my supply of disposable contact lenses that I bought about a year ago.

Am I still wearing the same sunglasses I had bought a couple of years ago.

Would I like to see some new frames that came in recently.

There is a good chance this employee won’t be there the next time I need my glasses adjusted. Then again it’s very unlikely I will be returning. Now how much is that going to cost Pearle Vision? The money they invested in that employee, my future purchases and how many more customers did this employee turn off who won’t be returning?

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The Zappos Quit Your Job Offer

I found out after a recent call to the bank our customer service rep had taken a promotion at another branch and was no longer working on the retail side.

We had to break in a new one and after the first call it was evident we would never get the same service. Personality zero and it was like we were bothering him. Record profits for Canadian banks and they can’t hire worth a lick.

Here is free tip with no service charges. Google Zappos and read their story. In a nutshell, Nevada based Zappos sells shoes over the internet. They have 4 million pairs of shoes (they also have handbags and apparel) in a warehouse in Kentucky. Five years ago their sales were $70 million. And by the way, the shoes they sell, name brands.

How do they do this when you can’t try them on? Well for starters, they offer free delivery and free returns. If they don’t fit, you send them back period free of charge. They tell you to expect your order in four days and it’s usually delivered the next day. Their warehouse is next to a UPS hub.

Zappos call centre is not your usual call centre. No scripts, no robotic sell and the telemarketing team is empowered to take as long as needed to please the customer. To work for Zappos, you are put through a rigorous 4 week training period and at the end of that time, you are asked one question. “Will you take $1000 to quit right now”. The Zappos method of madness here is that if you take the money, you wouldn’t work out in the long run. A small percentage take the offer. Did I mention Zappos employs 1600 people.

Zappos has the AHA! They are fanatics on great service and are on pace to do one billion dollars this year. It’s all about the training and buying into the Zappos culture.

“But if we train them they might leave”. What happens if you don’t and they stay?

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Give Me One Of Those Discount Loyalty Cards You Hole Punch For Every Visit

I use one of those fast lane oil and lube places. I am there every 3 months like clockwork because my extended warranty calls for it. 8 visits in the last two years. The service is okay and they pretend to do this 24 point safety inspection. I know this is bogus because a few visits back they replaced my air filter. (More about this in a moment) It was a 45 minute experience by a company whose sell message is, "the universes' best 10 minute oil change". I guess it would have been 10 minutes if my technician wasn't interrupted every 5 minutes by his cell phone.

I complained to the owner who said he would look into it but never did call me back. And even though I was snubbed I have been back three more times. For me its convenient because they appear to be on every corner.

But after my most recent visit which took an 65 minutes (there were two cars in front of me and even with their 10 minute guarantee I shouldn’t have been longer than 35-40 minutes) and more poor workmanship, they don't deserve my business. The technician noticed that my air filter unit was not working properly. He asked when it was changed last and I told him his company had done it and to check his computer. He found no record and I told him it was about a year earlier at their so and so location. It was then he told me that their computer systems were not networked to the other locations.

He believed me as the unit was their brand and sheepishly hooked the unit up right, apologized and would take it up with the owner. I wasn’t holding my breath and on my way out I told him while he was at it to tell his owner that they should implement a customer loyalty program. “We have one”, the technician said, “but it kicks in after the 4^th visit”. This was only my third visit to this particular location. Had their computers been networked to all the other stores, he would have seen my previous 7 visits.

I wonder what its going to take for this company to have a "AHA" moment! You would think that 8 oil changes in two years would send up some sort of "who is this regular customer" flag.

I just hope the new place I find will give me one of those discount cards they punch holes in for every visit.

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Your call is important to us...NOT!

I am a big fan of Seth Godin. One of his latest blogs is entitled, "Should you fire the voice mail guy". Check it out at this link. http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2008/06/should-you-fire.html

Seth's blog got me thinking. I'd like to kick the person who invented voice mail in the groin. I hate it. Voice mail is an excuse to be rude. Forget all the voice mail gurus who say that you have not left a compelling reason to get a call back. Your voice mail wouldn't be full if you returned calls especially to the same person who has called you 3 times in a week. Call them back and say, "no thank you." How hard is that? Voice mail has made us lazy.

And for goodness sake, if you are going to have voice mail, I don't want to hear that you are out of the office for the Christmas season returning January 2nd. Hey knucklehead, its the summer. How lazy is that?

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What's My Name? Denny Crane

Let’s face it that today much of staff training consists shadowing a co worker. Most of the time management is reacting to business rather than being proactive. If you aren’t getting the training you need you can find it yourself. And it’s just the click of a mouse away. Maybe your company will pay for some on line training. If not find your own and there is some outstanding stuff. And the good news is it’s free.

If you spent 30 minutes a day, five days a week learning at your own pace you will have 130 hours of training over the course of the year. And you can’t use the excuse of not having any time. Eliminate the news and Dancing with Stars once a week and there is your 2 ½ hours. Make it your goal to eventually stop watching the schlock on TV that is useless drivel and limit yourself to the amount of TV you watch. If you are going to watch drivel at least pick some of the better drivel, like Boston Legal.

I love Boston Legal. William Shatner is hilarious and was born for comedy. Shatner plays lawyer Denny Crane, a rich loud mouth republican who is politically incorrect (fired a co worker on one episode because she was fat) believes in the right to bear arms and whose persona has all thinking he has lost his marbles and has mad cow disease.

Most of the show Crane is doing something very bizarre, like putting fish in his aquarium and then fishing for them. He hits on all women and will sleep with whoever will have him. He is particular about the cases he takes on even though his colleagues dissuade him to go into a court room. Yet Crane reminds them that in all the years he has never lost a case. And yes it is TV but its always great to see Crane win the cases he takes despite looking like he is going to have his hat handed to him.

Alan Shore (played by James Spader) is the go to lawyer in the firm who loves to take on the establishment. He is a thing of beauty in the court room and his summations are usually the highlight of the show. The two have this father-son relationship (with sleepovers and you have to watch the show to get the sleepover thing) and at the end of the show you find them on a balcony of the law office sipping scotch and smoking a cigar contemplating life. And it’s usually Crane the teacher and Shore the pupil. But I digress.

Here is a list of great websites that you can start with:

www.salesopedia.com

www.gitomer.com

www.engageselling.com

www.sellingpower.com

www.successmagazine.com

www.deniswaitley.com

Download all the free stuff you can. Join the email newsletters and remember to click on links these sites recommend and you will find other like websites. 30 minutes a day and it will change your life and your income.

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Why Isn't My Newspaper Ad Working?

Most of my Saturday mornings is a carbon copy of the last one. I sit with my cup of coffee and flip through the paper. It usually takes about 15 minutes until I get to the last section that has the crossword puzzle where the rest of my morning is spent.

I am not one to sit and read every page because its not like there is anything of interest. Any real newsworthy stuff, I already know about. Maybe the odd entertainment tidbit and for the most part, I am checking out who is advertising in the paper for possible leads.

This week I noticed a change in an ad for laser eye surgery place. The ad is different and I took notice because I pass the clinic every day. I am also familiar with the clinic because I have placed some advertising with one of the doctors who has a separate office offering a different type of surgery at another location.

Their ad has changed from the usual who we are what we do and how long we have been doing this schlock, to an offer. The offer is, “no payments until 2009 for laser eye surgery”. Pardon the pun but the ad caught my eye. I have been considering the surgery and liked the offer. So I picked up the phone and called. All I heard was voice mail that they were open Monday to Friday, closed on the weekends and please leave a message.

This clinic has been a regular advertiser in the paper for the better part of two years and always had an ad in the paper on Saturdays. I wonder how many missed opportunities for the people who did like I, picked up the phone and instead of speaking to a live person just hung up on the voice mail message.

Does newspaper advertising work? Wrong question. How well is your newspaper advertising rep working for you?

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Worth Repeating: A Must Read Book For Sales People

Worth Repeating: A Must Read Book For Sales People

A Must Read Book For Sales People

I just finished a book by Steve Marx, "Close Like The Pros". It was one of those easy reads and hard to put down books on selling. Close Like The Pros is about interactive selling that involves the client and builds a respect factor with the client that will have your competition begging to learn. How many times have you met with the client, conducted your needs analysis and then come back with a proposal only to be told that, "you have given us a lot to think about here. Call me next week". This is called the "hand off" presentation and you are almost guaranteed you will not close this deal.

Marx has laid out powerful strategies that involves laying ground rules, partnering, avoiding the ditch, clearing paths, sending up trial balloons, half baked ideas, progress reports and giving the client homework assignments. Close Like The Pros will teach you mini-closes along the way that when you make your presentation it is simply a formality with the client and that the deal was closed long before the presentation, thus Interactive Selling.

What is worth noting is that at the end of each chapter, Steve Marx summarizes what the chapter was about and then asks you to email him what you took away from the chapter. And be prepared to get an email back from Steve acknowledging your thoughts.

Close Like The Pros by Steve Marx will be the best few hours you have invested in your business. Just remember two things: Amateurs built the Ark and Professionals built the Titanic. Come on, never be afraid to try something new!

BB for now